I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
