So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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