Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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