She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
