Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
