I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
