I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
