he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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