i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
