Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
