Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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