Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He passed out mid-signature
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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