the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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