toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
