I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I believe in your delicious
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
