Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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