In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize