I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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