Just took my morning after pill in the library
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
