Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
