He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
