There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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