Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
