OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
