Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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