Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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