Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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