Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
