And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
