dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
