She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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