a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
