Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
