Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i've created a new STD.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
