I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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