I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
