Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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