I'm really into asian looking animals
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
