So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
