He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
