Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We are two peas in an std pod
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Will exercising make me less horny?
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