Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize