I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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