Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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