He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's official drugs can't kill me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
