if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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