Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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