I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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