I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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