We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
