Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
3 2 1 whiskey
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
