Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Why can't burritos get me drunk
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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