1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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