Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
