My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
