As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
