Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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