I just made out with a guy for $7.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
