ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
