Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
