There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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