she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
