i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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