soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
