apparently the secret to your success is patron
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
