My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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