hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
