oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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