i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
