like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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