ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
