You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
